Last Minute Decisions

Sometimes last minute decisions are the best, as when I asked Em if she wanted to stay with me a couple of nights. She had not brought anything with her, but we will make do. Maybe we will even cut and sew something to wear. Em has been sewing pieces of fabric together very creatively; maybe it is time to learn some basics.

Another last minute decision led us to a performance of the Kwahadi Indian Dancers at our local theater. We had front row seats for this dynamic group. They moved and twirled so fast and hard that we had a cool breeze most of the time. Pictured here, Alex chose Em to dance with the group in a large circle. It took a bit of cajoling for shy Em to get up there, but the young man was very persistent and Em had quite an experience.

I have been to pow-wow dances and other Boy Scout dances, but this was one of the best I have seen. I wish I could bottle the energy the kids displayed. Of course, the few "maidens" included in the program were given very secondary roles, but times are changing and the roles have evolved a little. A couple of the girls did join in the Hoop Dance and gave a very good performance.

The "Eagle Dance" was presented by members of the group who have earned their Boy Scout Eagle rank or Girl Scout Gold Award. The guys had long black cloths, edged in Eagle feathers, which extended from left fingertips to right fingertips across the shoulders. They dipped and swayed, moving their arm / wings to the drumbeat, then resting with wings folded around themselves protectively. It was quite impressive and really gave the sense of an Eagle in flight. The girls moved their feet to the drumbeat, swaying to the side occasionally, while holding 3 Eagle feathers in each hand. Well, I guess it is a beginning. There was probably a time when girls were not even allowed to participate with the guys. I do believe all the Eagles I have seen, fly the same. I can't tell a boy Eagle from a girl Eagle in flight, or on the ground for that matter.

There is more to this group's performance than dancing. Throughout the program, authenticity, history, and good decision making are stressed. Children and adults are admonished to believe in themselves, continually set goals and work to make them happen. On top of it all, the costumes are wonderful! It was a stellar performance by a stellar group.

The Kwahadi Indian Dancers have their own theater and museum complex in Amarillo, Texas, the Kwahadi Kiva Indian Museum. They have shows during the year and will be touring the eastern US prior to crossing to the northwest. They were joined last night by the Sahawes, a group from Uvalde, Texas. Plan to attend a performance at your first opportunity!

I LOVE being a Grandma!

A Room of My Own

.....and here is the rest of the story....

We had a four bedroom house, not quite large enough for each child to have his / her own bedroom. By default as the only male child, DS had his own room. Kr was older than the rest so she had one, and the two younger girls, Ko & Ki, shared a room. When Ko & Ki were old enough to realize what was going on, the requests for "a room of my own" became incessant. I tried all the usual tactics, including appealing to their sisterly love for each other, and stories of how neither their father nor I had had our own rooms until we were living on our own.

"Please," Ko begged, "I don't need much space. Just let me have a spot in the laundry room, it has a door."
"There is hardly room for the washer and dryer, which gets daily use, much less a bed," I explained.
"We could get a blow-up mattress, and I could keep my clothes in a basket," she countered.

Of course the idea was more than ridiculous but it did drive home her desire for her own space. I knew what she was going through. I once got so mad at my sister when we we shared a room while growing up, that I put a string down the middle of our room and dared her to cross over into "my space" unless she was entering or leaving the room. She did a lot coming and going that day.

"When Kr leaves, then one of you can move into her room," I told them. I felt a twinge of disloyalty. It didn't seem fair that going away to school should deprive one of the allocated space at home. On the other hand, it didn't seem fair to have an empty room while two people had to share. I wrestled with, what I was sure was, an age-old problem.

On a hot, humid day in August 1983, we prepared to take Kr to the airport for her exciting year as an exchange student in Germany. Ko & Ki were happily busy in their room chatting, packing, and moving things around.
"Get ready to go to the airport, girls," I admonished them.
"Oh, we will just stay here," they said.
"No. you won't," I countered.
"But we want to be ready!" they said.
"Ready for what?" I asked.
"Well, you said as soon as Kr moved out of her room, one of us could have it, so Ki is moving into it. We'll do it while you take Kr to the airport."

I don't remember exactly how I handled that. I do know I was mentally trying to deal with the idea that I was sending a, still young, daughter off to a foreign land for a whole year out of arm's reach of our direct supervision, while trying to convince myself that we had done our best in laying the groundwork for her principles and values.

"You will go to the airport with us to see your sister off!" I told them . "When we get back, we will discuss the move."

There was a definite air of excitement in the car as we headed home. We arrived and the two girls raced up the stairs to begin moving Ki into her older sister's room. For several years, Ki had to spend time in Ko's room when Kr was home, as was originally agreed. Eventually, the room defaulted to Ki.

Somehow, activity always seemed to ease the "empty nest" syndrome.

Learning about Lolita

ABW's Friend wrote today about beds made for six year old girls. The beds are named "Lolita Beds."

I would venture to guess that the Brits' lack of information on Lolita was directly associated with censorship. I have never read the book, or seen the movie, about Lolita, but I have seen enough news stories to know what it is about. When we lived in Australia, "Portnoy's Complaint" was banned. Even though I had never had the desire to read, or had even heard of, the book, I couldn't wait to buy it and read it when we vacationed in the outside world. It was not something I ever would have sought out otherwise.

I think the U.K. does a better job of allowing their children to be children, well-behaved children. Maybe there is something to be said for censorship....no, .....loss of our Freedom of Speech would be too high a price to pay.

The sad thing about the suggestive clothes and styles for children these days, is that there would not be a market for them if the parents just refused to buy. Why are young children even familiar with "worldly ways"?
Turn off the T.V.!
Monitor their reading and their friends!
Say "NO!" to inappropriate behavior / media / language.
Model appropriate behavior / morals / principles / language.
Make children responsible for their actions and discuss the results, good and bad, with them.
Spend quality time with your children so you know what is going on in their minds,
I guess the fact that we seldom hear of a little girl being named Lolita, is a good thing.

Raising Women

When things start adding up, they are begging for blogging!

Many moons ago I loaned a new, unread book to a friend. The Women's West by Susan H. Armitage and Elizabeth Jameson was purchased on one of our Triumph trips. I always wonder how the pioneers made it to their destinations without the conveniences we enjoy now. Driving and riding in a vintage Triumph makes me wonder even more. Wondering, I seek answers by reading and exploring.

My friend recently returned my book and sent along with it a 1935 non-fiction book called "Old Jules" by Mari Sandoz. It is the story of her pioneer father and the settlement of the upper Niobrara country in western Nebraska. It does NOT read like Laura Ingalls Wilder's "Little House on the Prairie" books. Sandoz is an excellent writer, but she is also brutally honest. The result is a realistic picture of what life was really like for many of our pioneers, maybe not all of them, but far more than it is pleasant to consider. Fortunately, I read "Old Jules" first. Surprisingly, it was referenced in "The Women's West."

I had just finished "Old Jules" and had started "The Women's West" when I read "Word Quilts'" blog about "Are You a Zero?" These three sources were united as if by an industrial magnet. These stories of women from three different centuries, point out how little progress has been made in this patriarchal society's acceptance and treatment of women. I don't agree with all the Women's Lib hoopla. I won't vote or not vote for Hilary Clinton just because she is a woman. When I married, the men in my husband's office informed him that they "didn't allow their wives to work." When I did work outside the home, there were times when I was faced with being a "Zero." I believe our children's generation is finally getting the message. I know my daughters certainly speak up for themselves and my son is sensitive to women's issues, behind his macho front. A young man on the Dr. Phil Show was upset because his wife did not get a job nor keep the house clean enough for him.
"She has been living off me for five years!" he announced to the world.
Never mind that this 24 year-old woman had borne 3-4 children in those five years, and was bringing them up in their home.

There is still much to be done for women and, hopefully, it will not take another century.We don't have to burn our bras and we don't have to march in the streets. There are ways to increase our effectiveness with dignity and integrity. I have thought of some. I wonder how many you can contribute.

• Stand your ground until you are heard.
• When you see a colleague being taken advantage of, quietly gather behind her as a show of silent support. This works in many situations. Sarge and DD#2 quietly started a gathering behind a man who was debating an anti-war protester on the street in D.C. No one else needed to say anything; their presence was enough.
• Teach our young women to speak up for themselves. Start at home by listening to what they have to say and validating their right to say it.
• Teach our young men to respect women's voices as readily as they do men's.
• Vote! Vote! Vote!
• Educate yourself and impress the importance of education on your children. Not just formal education, but life's lessons as well.
• Teach children early in life to accept the responsibility / consequences of their actions.
• Love your spouse and children and treat them with dignity.
• Women, perhaps of necessity, are amazingly able to multi-task. Use it to your advantage, but don't let it keep you from delegating.

I did not start out to preach. Guess I got carried away. There are many more ideas, I am sure. You probably have a few to add. I have always felt as if I missed out on a part of life because I was not a pioneer, but I am truly glad I was not married to Old Jules. The old West doesn't sound too enticing for women either. I wonder what I might have been like back then.